The Potter's Clay

I have been thinking a lot about influences lately; influences that we allow into our lives every day, and what kind of influence we have on other people. I believe that the everyday influences we allow to surround us mold our every day, essentially molding our lives. In turn, we influence others by what we say and do, helping shape their day and their lives. I had a conversation with my amazing mom a few months ago and she gave me some advice that I love. She told me that I need to be careful about what I post online, especially regarding to doubts or negativity because it can truly affect those who read it. Doubt and negativity spread. Faith and optimism and hope spread as well.

I’ve been thinking about that since, also relating it to the books I’ve been reading and the things I have been doing with my time. I thought about how influenced I was by everything. I asked myself, “Am I really that weak-minded that everything I read and talk about and think about start to define who I am?” And I’ve come to believe that yes, it does, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that I am weak-minded. It’s just the way that life is. I’ve thought about those words that were conveyed so strongly to my mind before my sister’s funeral: “Our thoughts become us.” I am moldable. While I have my own mind and make my own choices; what I read, who I associate with, what I listen to, and what I watch greatly influences me. But I have agency. I can choose what I do with my time and what I read and who I talk with and what I think. I always have a choice.

So we choose what we allow ourselves to be influenced by and what we continually allow into our lives, essentially choosing who we become. And we choose whether or not to allow the Savior into our lives, who can mold us in ways that no other source can, in ways that help us find true meaning and purpose and joy in life. I feel like there is a battle of sides. I think about that hymn “Who's on the Lord's side? Who? Now is the time to show. We ask it fearlessly: Who's on the Lord's side? Who?”

We are like clay. Over time that clay gets harder, molded into the piece we will become at the end of our lives. Whenever we turn to the Savior with hope and faith, He will mold us. He can sculpt and mold and soften even the hardest of clay if we sincerely turn to Him in faith. He will smooth us into something perfectly beautiful and useful, bringing out our own uniqueness and beauty into something that serves so much purpose. The negative and harmful influences of this world including selfishness, addictions, sin, doubt, fear, immorality, etc. can mold us into a sculpture with all sorts of edges and complicated design. While it may be captivating and enticing, it serves little purpose to the Lord.

I am at a point in my life that I am very moldable. I'm trying to figure life out. I'm trying to figure out what's best for my family and exactly what I want to teach my children. I know that when I let my 

mind fester with fear, doubt, and questions that perhaps don't need answering, my soul feels unsettled. Point blank, I don't feel good about life. But when I turn to the Savior, when I build faith, when I read the scriptures, pray, listen to a conference talk, take care of myself physically, surround myself with positive influences, I feel great. And when I have questions or confusion, I seem to either find answers, or it's as if my mind says "They don't matter anymore. What matters is that you feel peace. You feel strengthened. All will be made right." I know that kind of peace only comes from the Savior. 

However, I am a believer of questions. If we don't have questions and actively seek for answers, how will we ever grow and learn and improve? But what really matters is HOW we search for answers. Where. For there is a battle going on in the hearts and minds of all of us: “The pow'rs of earth and hell; in rage direct the blow; that's aimed to crush the work; Who's on the Lord's side? Who? Truth, life, and liberty, freedom from death and woe, are stakes we're fighting for; Who's on the Lord's side? Who?”

We have to choose where we turn for the answers we seek. And where we turn for answers can define us; who we turn to, where we look for information, who we seek friendship and support from all define who we become. I am beyond grateful for the people in my life who are examples of the believers. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me. I continue to learn more about the Savior and the Atonement. "Help me my unbelief" I pray; and I know when I plead for more faith, I receive more, and that helps me find peace.

I know I am as the potter's clay and I pray that I will turn to the Savior throughout my life to mold out all the rough edges; to make good use of me. It is a continual choice I will need to always fight for, but for today I fight to be a voice of faith. I choose to find answers to questions in places that will not double my questions and build my frustration, but bring peace to my mind and heart, and settle my restless soul.

The Potter's Clay

My mind, my thoughts, not what they used to be-I'm a forever changing being
Who I was yesterday is not me today-what has become of me?
These changes, did they come of my own freewill? Am I so influenced by others?
The things I read, the people I talk with; do we really so affect one another?

Upon soul reflection I realize I'm a very impressionable being
That what I read and who I'm around affects my everything.
I'm the potter's clay, moldable and changing-sculpted and formed day by day
But who is the potter? What am I sculpted by? Oh what will become of this clay? 

The world is full of negativity, but there's the optimistic and uplifting too 

At times I feel consumed by fear, sadness, doubt; but there's love, joy, and friendship true
I have questions unanswered, feel uneasiness rise-where do I turn for peace?
All the books in the world could they lift up my heart-could they calm this storm inside me? 

I learn of my agency, I always have a choice of what to do and where to turn
Good sources I can find to fill my questioning mind; of things both spiritual and secular I learn
It is good to ask questions, it is alright to wonder but where I search for answers truly matters
What brings peace to the soul, and calmness complete can always come through the Savior. 

When He is the potter, He molds the clay; no matter how edgy or undefined
He strengthens the soul, answers questions in ways that gives constant peace and comfort to the mind
But if I refuse him, try to do it on my own; I become molded in a different way
I find other sources to mold me, to change me; they twist and configure the clay 

Will I let these questions, frustrations, confusion consume my heart and my mind?
Will I ever find a balance, be the person I want to, when I feel empty and unsettled inside?
I know I need to feel, need to process, need to mourn-but my thoughts, do they help me grow?
Are the things I am reading, the thoughts I am thinking, holding me prisoner or freeing my soul?

Then I kneel in prayer; turn to a friend, read something uplifting; and the clouds of confusion drift away 

I feel inspired and strengthened; clarity fills me in the warmth of the Son’s rays
My heart fills with hope, renewed and sure; I find motivation to do more with my time
I want to follow the Savior’s example: to love and serve, to live a meaningful life 

The sadness, it will come; the tears I will shed but I know I can still be happy 

I’ll find joy through the sorrows, and strength through the pain; my heart will increase with understanding
It is through life’s greatest challenges that the greatest lessons can be learned
It is through my trials I can discover the tools I need for the purest joys to be earned 

For how can I empathize with others who hurt, if I never hurt or struggle myself?
And how could I understand true joy and happiness if agony and sorrows I never felt?
Would I ever feel a need for the Potter’s alteration if I was made perfect initially?
If my life was easy and simple forever, could I apply what occurred in Gethsemane? 

No. Life is a collection of many ups and many downs, and I’m meant to experience them all
To feel sadness, pain, inadequacy; and to choose what I will do when I fall
Where will I turn to when I’m in need of support? When I hurt, when I’m frustrated or confused
Who will I let my potter be throughout my life? Because of agency, I get to choose. 

I know if I stand on the Lord’s side always, He will strengthen and give me hope
His hands that they pierced He will use to uplift; He will mend these broken pieces, make me whole
For He felt it all, every sorrow, every pain; He experienced the grief and all trials
And He rose above it all to be our greatest example of the light we could find amongst the shadows

So when the questions arise, when the doubts start to fester, I need to choose to turn to sources of good truth 

I need to allow myself to be molded by things that help me turn to the Savior my whole life through
For I know when I make the Lord my Potter, He will shape me until I’m my best
I will do all I can, with Him guiding me; and He will take care of the rest

As my mom reminded me, what I do and say and write is important because it has an effect on those around me. Whether we like it or not, each of us is a voice, an example, one way or another. Does that mean we have to be perfect all the time and always say the right things? Of course not! As people, we are imperfect, and how can we expect to feel peace if we haven't felt confusion? Joy if we haven't felt sadness? Clarity if we never have questions? The negatives in life are a part of life; I believe they are essential to life and the lessons we can learn here. They're not meant to stay bottled up inside, underneath a perfect mask. But I have found that the honest expression of thoughts, feelings, and questions helps so much. It helps when I lean on others who are good examples, read and ponder good material that is uplifting and inspiring, and look to Christ for strength and to fill in all the gaps. I am imperfect, but that is perfect because it is through my imperfections that I learn and grow and turn to Christ, realizing I am never meant to go through my challenges alone. 

I am so grateful for the good examples, kindness, positive words, prayers, and sincere and genuine friendship of those who are helping to mold me into the kind of person I want to become. And although I have many edges to smooth out and lots more to learn in life, both secular and spiritual, I'm so grateful for the things I am learning from others! I hope I can be more of an example for good, too. That by allowing myself to grieve and feel and experience life, turning to and leaning on the good example of others and especially Christ, I can find the balance in life I am searching for. I hope that I can learn and grow through the good and the difficult and become molded in the best way possible, with the Savior as my potter.