I have found in the recent years that I am a bit of a self-diagnosed hypochondriac (haha oh the irony!) With the stress and unknowns of motherhood and becoming an adult, whenever I found myself battling a fear-based thought about myself, my life, or close family members, what would I do? Well, like every other person living in the 21st century I would pull out my smart phone and GOOGLE IT.
Within seconds, I had access to an endless number of articles, facts, and discussion boards. Immediately, I could search out and find the answers I was looking for! And it was SO easy. I mean, why not utilize a search bar that contained the answers to all of life’s questions, right? But what I quickly began to realize, is that while I could find answers to any question on google, those answers did not bring any amount of peace my soul was longing for. In fact, whenever I googled a fear-based thought, google seemed to confirm the worst of my fears. And this sent me down a rabbit-hole of googling until I was sure that the worst things were happening to me, and that there was no hope for change in my future. Why? Because I found countless articles, facts, and discussion boards to prove it.
What started out as one seemingly harmless google search in a state of fear, progressed to severe anxiety, paranoia, and a deep and dark depression. I felt completely hopeless, sure that terrible, previously unimaginable things were coming my way. I stayed in this pit of despair for several months and it was indescribably miserable. Until one day, I knelt on my knees and I prayed. I prayed like I had prayed constantly since depression began to creep into my life: “Hey God, this is killing me. If you truly care about me, will you please just take this pain away? I can’t live like this any longer.” But this time was different. This time I received an answer. The thoughts conveyed to my mind: “You need to stop searching the internet. Stop looking for answers through google. The peace you are looking for cannot be found online.” What?? STOP googling it? Who would have thought, right?
Shortly after this experience, I reread a conference talk by the beloved prophet of God, President Russell M. Nelson, titled “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives.” In this talk, he outlines how to receive personal revelation from God: “Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take. As you repeat this process day after day, month after month, year after year, you will ‘grow into the principle of revelation.’” I continued to read this confirmation from a prophet of God that “Googling It” was not going to bring me any peace: “We live in a world that is complex and increasingly contentious. The constant availability of social media and a 24-hour news cycle bombard us with relentless messages. If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation.”
Reading these words, combined with the answer I received from prayer, made a serious impression on me. I determined to finally, FINALLY stop “GOOGLING IT.” I determined to stop looking for answers to serious personal questions online and turn to God instead, believing that He would help me change. I followed the outline President Nelson suggested to receive personal revelation and I changed the way I prayed. Instead of asking God to take the pain away, I asked Him what one thing was that I could do to change the way I thought and felt. What was one thing I could do to feel more peace in my life?
What happened in the following months was nothing short of miraculous. I DID receive answers. After I prayed, I would listen, and then I would write down any positive action that came to mind. Instead of focusing on all my fears of what could happen, I put all of my energy into doing that one thing I felt God asked me to do. Text a friend, share an experience on my blog, take Avery to the park and really play with her, write a gratitude note to Trevor. I even felt prompted to go visit my brother in Guatemala and help with his non-profit school, which was incredible and blessed my life in multiple ways. Quickly, what once felt like consuming hopelessness and despair, was replaced with peace, light, and joy. As my brother told me at the time, “the best way to stop fighting the darkness is to stop fighting the darkness and turn on a light.”
Nowadays, we have immediate access to so much knowledge, but we are lacking in wisdom. In my experience, true wisdom comes from He who is the giver of all good things: our Father in Heaven. Within a relationship with God there are answers no amount of “googling it” can find. There is wholeness, purpose, and joy no other relationship can fulfill. There is hope for all, because we all came from Him. We are all known personally by Him. And we are loved completely, incomprehensibly, miraculously by Him. He who has given us life, and all that we have. He has all the answers and longs to give them to us, if we only ask in faith, believing in His love, believing we will receive. But a relationship with God takes time, energy, and trust. And God knows that if He just snapped His fingers and made everything better for us, we wouldn’t grow. We wouldn’t truly know Him or understand who He really is and what characteristics He possesses.
I know that no question is too trivial, and no problem is too great to bring to Him who truly cares, who understands, and who has all the answers. Right now, we are living in a time of fear and confusion since the onset of COVID-19. Many people are suffering in a variety of ways, searching for answers to their problems. While it is good to be aware of what is going on, I know that obsessively focusing on fear-based thoughts of what the future might hold does not and cannot yield peace. Google, the news, articles, etc. can be insightful, but there is only One who truly knows the personalized, individual answers each of us need to find. There is only One who can provide the peace our souls long for, in and through His son, Jesus Christ.
Take any question you have to God and listen for answers. Write them down. Act. He wants to help. He knows the answers. Look to Him and respond in faith. As the giver of all life and the creator of the world, there is no limit to what He can do and the miracles He can perform in your life through faith!
“Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” -Luke 11:9-10
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