My Oil Lamp

Oh my goodness, it has been forever since I last posted!  I've had several posts that I began to write, but never got around to finishing.  But this morning as I was praying, I felt like I needed to post something today and share my testimony in writing.  

A few months ago, I came across a book that my grandma had given me when I was still in school.  It was about the parable of the 10 virgins and each woman was given a specially carved lamp to use throughout their lives.  They needed to visit the lamp maker, the Savior, often to replenish their lamps with oil.  As we know from the scriptures, 5 were wise and used their lamps often, frequently turning to the Savior to fill their lamps with oil, and 5 were foolish, letting their lamps go unused and forgetting their need for the Savior in their lives.  

When I read the story about one foolish virgin in particular, my heart sank as I related to her story.  This woman was given a lamp that looked plain on the outside and didn't seem to compare to the lamps of the other 9 virgins.  She stopped using her lamp because she didn't feel that it was good enough to serve the purpose it was crafted to serve.  But what she didn't realize is that the Savior specially carved her lamp particularly for her, and that in time with a lot of use, an intricate design would shine through, with a beautiful jewel hidden in the center of her lamp.    

Honestly, this last year I've felt like a bit of a hot mess. :)  I found myself comparing my life and myself to others and feeling like I am falling way short.  Satan is really good at helping us see all of our weaknesses, and this last year I've had many times where I have felt very discouraged and lost, then ashamed for feeling discouraged and lost, because I know that I am very blessed and I just shouldn't be feeling those kind of feelings!  But what I have found through my personal trials, is that God truly is aware of me and He does have a plan for me!  He is aware of each of us and loves us all more than we could comprehend.  His love and power is real, and greater than any trial we might experience in our lives.  He has helped me see light through the darkness, and feel joy through my challenges.  

Today as I was driving into Tucson for an appointment, I was thinking about the parable of the 10 virgins and spoke the following into my phone.  I typed it out tonight and decided to share it on the blog, in hopes that I might be able to help someone who might be facing similar difficulties.  If anyone reading this feels lost or discouraged in any way, know that you are not alone, and there is real hope and power through turning to Christ.  He is truly the light and the way!  

My Oil Lamp

By Kristen Laursen

6/12/18

Before I came to earth, I knew who I was.  I knew that God had a special plan for me; that He had good things prepared for my life.  I was excited to come down to earth; to be a part of a wonderful family, and to learn, grow, stretch, and become.

I knew I’d have struggles, I knew I’d have challenges, and I knew I’d have trials.  I knew that I would learn how to truly love, and that I would lose some of those in life that I loved the most.  I knew of the sorrow and pain life would bring, yet I felt so much joy and excitement to come to earth because I knew of God’s glory, goodness and grace.  

Before I came to earth, God gifted me with a lamp, as He did for each of His children, that He had carved so delicately with His own hands. On the outside it looked plain, but I was grateful and excited.  He told me that in life I would need to retrieve the oil required to use my lamp.  I would need to cherish it.  I would need to use it often, every day to light my way along the path of life.  With a smile on my face and tears pouring down my cheeks, I thanked Him with a heart full of gratitude.  I felt determined to use my lamp to the best of my ability, to light my way and help others find their way through life as well. 

And then I came to earth and I forgot.  I was sent to loving parents who taught me of God’s plan; who taught me about faith and love and hope; who taught me from the scriptures.  I had faith in their words, and I looked up to them as examples, but I didn’t know how to use my lamp on my own.  I held it in my hands and my parents showed me how to fill it with oil, how to make it work; and as I watched the flickering flame, I felt excited, grateful, and hopeful.

But then I got older.  I left my parents, seeking out life on my own.  I brought my lamp with me, but I wasn’t ready; I wasn’t prepared.  I wasn’t prepared for the challenges life would bring, and I didn’t truly understand how my lamp could be used to light my way through the darkness of my trials.  So the trials came, and I tried to light my lamp, and a small, dim light shone through it.  But I noticed the plainness of my lamp.  I looked around and I saw the lamps of others, how brightly they shone, how beautiful they were carved, and how much goodness and light and glory shone through them. 

I looked back at my tiny flame and felt confused.  This light wasn’t good enough.  My lamp wasn’t beautiful enough.  It didn’t produce what it needed to.  I was ashamed; I burned out the light, and I hid my lamp. I found myself in complete and utter darkness.  I felt afraid, lost, and alone; not knowing where to go.  I wandered around in the darkness seeking and pleading for help.  “Where is the light?  Where is the light that Christ promised?”

And as I sought and I searched, in time I found it: a light brighter than any other light I’d ever seen.  The light of the Savior, Jesus Christ.  As I approached His light, the Savior said, “Dear child, why do you fear?  Do you not know that I am greater than all things, that I am truth, that I can take what is broken and make it whole?  Take out your lamp, and light it with my love, every single day.  This takes work.  It takes effort.  It takes heart and soul.  But if you take my yoke upon you, your burdens will become light, and you will find joy, and gladness and goodness in your life.”

So I took out my lamp, I felt the rough edges, and I looked at the plainness of it.  I handed it over to Christ and He helped me fill it with oil.  He gently placed it back into my hands and commanded that I use it every day, and as I use it, I will begin to find the beauty in it.  And so with greater fervor and faith, I pressed forward and I used my lamp, letting it be seen by all those around me. 

I glorified God, expressing gratitude that He gave me a lamp, and I used it every day.  I put oil in it as I studied the scriptures, as I learned about the Savior, and as I thought about how I could serve others.  I put oil in it as I expressed gratitude to God for the gifts that I have been given: for music, for poetry, for family, for revelation, for the gospel, for prophets and apostles.  I listened to their words and applied them.  I let head knowledge become heart knowledge as I learned and gained wisdom, and acted in faith.  I tried to serve in any way that I could think of serving.  I placed effort in little things like smiling at other people, making cookies for a friend, writing poetry, sharing my testimony in small and simple ways, and expressing gratitude for the things I was able to do.

As I did this every single day, I noticed that as my lamp was used, a beautiful, intricate design began to appear.  This lamp, it was meant to be used.  And as it was used, the light shone through it brighter and brighter as the design began to manifest itself, and a beautiful, emerald jewel began to shine through it, after years of use.  Others began to see the beauty in it too, and together we shared the beauty of our individual lamps.  I not only rejoiced in what I had been given, but I rejoiced in the beauty of others, for what they had to share as well. 

I felt more connected to God as I sought for the light of Christ to shine through me.  I understood that I had to use my agency to choose to follow Him.  That it was hard.  That Satan knew my trials as well.  He knew what tools to utilize to cause me to want to hide my lamp.  But that through the Savior, through seeking out revelation from the Holy Ghost, and through expressing gratitude to God every day for the goodness that I was able to do, I could let my light shine through the darkness and find my way! As my light shone brighter and brighter and my heart grew with gratitude and joy, love and peace, I found my way back into my loving Savior’s arms.

And with gratitude, I knelt at his feet, with arms outstretched and my lamp laying in the center of my palms, as an offering to Him.  And He said, “Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter into my rest.” I praised His name forever and ever, knowing that without Him, I could do nothing.  Without Him, I am as the dust of the earth.  But with Him, all things are possible.

"Ye are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.  Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in Heaven.” -Matthew 5:14-16