The Gift of Life

This week I caught an AWFUL cold and tweaked my back really bad.  Trevor is in Portland with a bunch of pharmacy students (he left on Thursday and flies home Sunday) and I was feeling sad about the fact that he would miss Avery's first Halloween and how busy he is with Pharmacy school and all of his many responsibilities.  I've caught myself complaining many times this week about how I hate being sick and how I don't think it's fair that I got both my parent's bad-back genes, and how I just miss my husband.  My poor parents who have been so awesome to take care of both me and my baby girl have listened to my complaints and responded with love.  My mom made me chicken noodle soup last night and spent the last few days with most her attention focused on Avery and I, lifting us up with her never-failing positive attitude. But this morning, as I soaked in a warm bath and was able to breathe normally for a while, I realized how great a gift life is.  Even though I feel so miserable right now, I can choose to be grateful, and I can choose to make the most of every day.  

 My thoughts floated from feeling miserable, to feeling guilty about feeling miserable, to feeling grateful for all the many things life brings us.  I thought of this beautiful world we live in and the memories I have with my whole family hiking together, as we have done so many times.  I thought of the beauty of the seasons, and how much I love autumn, with it's crisp air and colored leaves.  I thought about the gifts our bodies are, from a truly loving Heavenly Father.  I thought about how our culture idealizes the "perfect body" and degrades any body that doesn't conform to its standards.  I looked down at my stomach, laden with stretch marks, and thought about how difficult it was to embrace this changed body of mine.  But then I thought about what a gift it was to be able to do all the things I can do with this body.  I thought of how great it feels to go on a run somewhere beautiful; the ability I have to see, taste, touch, hear, and smell.  I pondered the miracle of pregnancy and birth and the ability my body has to heal and create.  As I pondered these things, I just wanted to write and express my feelings through poetry.  After I got ready for the day, I wrote the following poem:

The Gift of Life

(By Kristen Hunter Laursen)

As I stand atop this mountain

And look out amongst the colored trees

I ponder the beauty of each bright leaf

As I breathe in the autumn breeze

I breathe deeply, in and out

Feel a chill of wonder shake my core

How beautiful this world is

How each moment, each life, builds on the one before

I look down at my hands, they can write, they can work

My eyes such beauty can behold

My lungs can breathe, my heart it beats

The love I've felt worth more than gold

With each deep breath, I think how great

A gift this body is

Through the pains I've felt, with the sickness I've dealt

This gift of life is bliss

My voice it can teach, it can lift others and preach

Of the truths I've come to know

I can sing, I can learn, I can hug, kiss and yearn

To keep building more knowledge and grow

I think of my marks of motherhood

And ponder the miracle of my sweet daughter

How amazing that my body can create another life

Who's spirit came straight from the Father

Why do so many of us spend so much time

Even hours, weeks, months, and years

Hating our bodies, these gifts from above

That should bring happiness, not shameful tears

Why do we covet, degrade, and compare

When we could be laughing, caring, loving

Why do we think such destructive thoughts

When we've been given the gift of living?

In sickness and in health, we always have a choice

To choose gratitude that on Earth we can be

And when those hard times come, when our minds and bodies are weak

Look for help so our souls can see

That the bodies we have are always a gift

That we can always find strength through the pain

That the tears, they will come, and the weakness we'll feel

But we can choose to dance in the rain

Although I still HATE being sick, and although I know I will still have times when it is difficult for me to embrace my body changed by motherhood, I know I can always choose to be grateful or miserable.  There are so many things to be grateful for in life, and I am so grateful to have a body that allows me to do many great things each day.  Life is truly a beautiful gift!