Life is hard. I’ve
been listening to Hilary Weeks’ amazing new CD lately, “Love Your Life,” and I
love the line in one of her songs that says something like “it seems the people
who don’t have any problems are people I don’t know very well.” The more people I get to know, the more I
realize that everyone has their own battles to fight in life. Everyone has their own problems, trials, and
difficult times. Several friends, who
would make absolutely amazing parents, struggle with infertility. They are doing everything they can to stay
faithful and hopeful, and I am sure at times they ask, “Why God? Why will you not allow me to bring a child
into my home when I’m doing everything you ask of me? You promised me blessings, and I’ve dreamed
about becoming a parent my whole life.
Why won’t you let me have a baby?”
Friends and family members battle with severe, debilitating depression
or anxiety. I’m sure they plead with
Heavenly Father, as I have, “Why God?
Why am I suffering so much inside?
Why can’t you take this away from me?
Wouldn’t I be able to make so much more out of my life if I wasn’t
battling this negativity?” Others I know
struggle with daily physical pain that makes it difficult to live life. Some have lost their sight, their hearing, their
limbs, their memories. Some spend their
lives in loneliness because they were never able to get married. Many struggle with a wayward child, an
unexpected death of a loved one, the loss of employment, cancer diagnosis. It seems to me at times that the whole world
is looking up, asking “Why God?? I know
life wasn’t meant to be easy, but why this?
I wish it was anything but this.”
Adding my own plea to others, “Why God?
Why did my sister and my family have to suffer so much? Why did she struggle with mental battles so
constantly in her life that ended up completely consuming her?” The day I found out of her death, all I could say was “Why? Why? Why?” over and over and over again.
The truth is, life is very unfair. It is very difficult. More difficult and unfair than I ever
imagined it would be when I was young.
But also, the truth is, life is a precious gift. Among all the craziness and difficulties, we
each experience blessings, little miracles among the trials. Light among the shadows. Hopeful things that occur every day if we
open our eyes to see them. The people
that amaze and inspire me the most are those who face their own difficulties
with fierce determination to keep fighting the fight, discover the positives in
life, and figure out how to find joy in their journeys. They take what they are given, and learn how
to make it beautiful, no matter their trials.
I’ve been inspired by others, time after time, who tell me trials I
never imagined they were struggling with because their life seemed so together
and wonderful. I’ve wondered how they do
it. How do they keep finding the will to
fight, how is their faith so strong, and their backs so straight while carrying
the heavy weight of their trials? How I
hope and strive to be like them, to have that kind of determination to not only
never give up faith and hope, but to lift up and inspire people along the
way.
I wonder if the question that these people ask is not “Why,”
but “What now?” While many feel the need
to blame God, others, and themselves for the Hell that they are living
(something I battle with at times), spending so much energy on the “whys”
doesn’t get them anywhere. It hasn’t
gotten me anywhere. The people who
inspire me the most seem to take and accept what life brings, while saying “OK,
Lord. This is how things are. What now?
What good things can I do with my life?”
The people who inspire me most have taken their trials, debilitating as
they seem, and used them to provide opportunities for themselves. Group therapy leaders and counselors that
have struggled with depression for years, now providing hope and help for those
with similar struggles. Parents of a
handicapped child reaching out to parents and families with similar children to
let them know they are not alone, and providing helpful resources for
them. Elderly friends who have never
married or had children have reached out to families, becoming second moms to
children around them, giving all of their love and support. Friends with infertility put their trust in
God and keep moving forward, some choosing to adopt, continue rounds of IVF, or
looking for other options to determine what is best for their family. My Grandma Hunter had macular degeneration
but still spent hours cooking and providing delicious Sunday dinners for her
grandchildren in Cedar City, even though it was difficult for her to read the
recipes. Motivational speakers who have
lost limbs or experienced unusual traumatic events choose to learn from them
and share what they learn. Loved ones who
battle mental struggles find ways they can serve and give and do something to
help other people, although they are suffering themselves. These people are my heroes. These people give me strength, and hope, and
faith to keep going, and keep trying.
I know that each of us, no matter what trials we are
given in life, can make the choice to ask in faith
“What now, Lord? Help me to discover what I can do with the life I’ve been given.” We can accept our struggles for what they are, finding ways to learn life lessons from our own experiences, however difficult they might be. Life is hard and so unfair, but we have God, and we have each other. I hope to never give up faith among my questions and tendencies to doubt. I hope to never give up hope among the feelings of despair. And I hope to notice the tender mercies and the many miracles that occur in life at times that it feels like I am consumed by all the struggles. Although it may not feel like it, life is a beautiful gift, and each of us can do something to help someone else, and to help ourselves. Each of us is a child of God with endless potential, and each of us is loved and important to Him, no matter how alone, inadequate, or unworthy we might feel. Life throws unexpected twists and turns at every one of us, but my hope for all of us is that as we make each turn, we faithfully look up to God and ask, “What now? What good things can I do with my life?” And that by trusting in His hand, He will guide us forward, so that when all is said and done, we can look back and realize what a beautiful journey life was.
“What now, Lord? Help me to discover what I can do with the life I’ve been given.” We can accept our struggles for what they are, finding ways to learn life lessons from our own experiences, however difficult they might be. Life is hard and so unfair, but we have God, and we have each other. I hope to never give up faith among my questions and tendencies to doubt. I hope to never give up hope among the feelings of despair. And I hope to notice the tender mercies and the many miracles that occur in life at times that it feels like I am consumed by all the struggles. Although it may not feel like it, life is a beautiful gift, and each of us can do something to help someone else, and to help ourselves. Each of us is a child of God with endless potential, and each of us is loved and important to Him, no matter how alone, inadequate, or unworthy we might feel. Life throws unexpected twists and turns at every one of us, but my hope for all of us is that as we make each turn, we faithfully look up to God and ask, “What now? What good things can I do with my life?” And that by trusting in His hand, He will guide us forward, so that when all is said and done, we can look back and realize what a beautiful journey life was.
My Prayer
By Kristen Laursen
(7/25/2016)
You told me life would be hard, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect the self-doubt and resentment
I didn’t expect the negativity I’d have to fight
I didn’t expect all these feelings of inadequacy and anxiety
I didn’t expect life to be like this
And yet,
You told me life would be good, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect the way the sound of the birds and the bristling of trees would fill my heart
I didn’t expect how music would lift me up and empower me to create
I didn’t expect the beauty I would be witness to on this earth-the red rock, towering mountains, bubbling brooks, and the majesty of the ever-changing seasons
I didn’t expect life to be like this
And yet,
You told me life would bring me grief, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect the way my heart would break in two when I witnessed those I love suffer
I didn’t expect the way it seemed my whole soul quivered with worry of the unknown
I didn’t expect to lose my sister and best friend so soon
I didn’t expect the fear and concern that would ignite the moment she left this earth
I didn’t expect life to be like this
And yet,
You told me life would bring me love, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect how it would feel to be wrapped in the arms of my husband, at times when I needed a friend the most
I didn’t expect how my heart would leap with joy when I heard the first cries of my tiny newborn daughter
I didn’t expect the amount of love and devotion I would feel for my family-the fierce determination to do all I can do to help them find joy
And I didn’t expect the Love I would feel from You. At moments when I’m too weak to stand, and through pleading for help, You lift me.
Through the joy and the pain, the grief and the sorrow, the worry and the fear, Your love will always be there, surrounding and strengthening me, lifting me up through a life full of unexpected happiness and sorrows.
And so, as I turn the corner to the next unexpected-unknown, please fill me with Your love and give me the strength to carry on through it all. And help me to recognize blessings through the sadness and the fear, the grief and the pain.
So that one day, when I return Home again, I can feel gratitude and joy for the life I have lived and be completely surrounded by Love.
By Kristen Laursen
(7/25/2016)
You told me life would be hard, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect the self-doubt and resentment
I didn’t expect the negativity I’d have to fight
I didn’t expect all these feelings of inadequacy and anxiety
I didn’t expect life to be like this
And yet,
You told me life would be good, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect the way the sound of the birds and the bristling of trees would fill my heart
I didn’t expect how music would lift me up and empower me to create
I didn’t expect the beauty I would be witness to on this earth-the red rock, towering mountains, bubbling brooks, and the majesty of the ever-changing seasons
I didn’t expect life to be like this
And yet,
You told me life would bring me grief, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect the way my heart would break in two when I witnessed those I love suffer
I didn’t expect the way it seemed my whole soul quivered with worry of the unknown
I didn’t expect to lose my sister and best friend so soon
I didn’t expect the fear and concern that would ignite the moment she left this earth
I didn’t expect life to be like this
And yet,
You told me life would bring me love, but I didn’t expect this
I didn’t expect how it would feel to be wrapped in the arms of my husband, at times when I needed a friend the most
I didn’t expect how my heart would leap with joy when I heard the first cries of my tiny newborn daughter
I didn’t expect the amount of love and devotion I would feel for my family-the fierce determination to do all I can do to help them find joy
And I didn’t expect the Love I would feel from You. At moments when I’m too weak to stand, and through pleading for help, You lift me.
Through the joy and the pain, the grief and the sorrow, the worry and the fear, Your love will always be there, surrounding and strengthening me, lifting me up through a life full of unexpected happiness and sorrows.
And so, as I turn the corner to the next unexpected-unknown, please fill me with Your love and give me the strength to carry on through it all. And help me to recognize blessings through the sadness and the fear, the grief and the pain.
So that one day, when I return Home again, I can feel gratitude and joy for the life I have lived and be completely surrounded by Love.
